https://www.wwlp.com/massappeal/taking-a-step-back-from-fretting-about-your-kids-homework/

Western Mass Business Show 9.21.19

https://superpowerexperts.com/slsp-the-key-to-successful-relationships/

https://youtu.be/S89bdZF5TLQ

My partner Jaime Olander and I have been married now for seven months, since early October.  Perhaps it comes as no surprise that a recent series of couples’ workshops posted on Your Stories Northampton caught my eye.

Sarah Getoff, a Northampton-based psychotherapist regularly offers workshops entitled “Do You Want to be Right or Do You Want to be Married?”

According to her post to the citizen journalism site on MassLive.com, participants discuss “how to fight fair and increase intimacy in their relationships.  Discover why couples have the same fight over and over and learn how to do it differently.”
The workshop’s title is what really drew me in.  In one sentence she distilled every heated situation I’ve ever been in, inside and outside of marriage, down to its flash point, my need to be right.

I had a co-worker tell me that years ago.  “You always need to be right, don’t you?” she asked.  It was merely an observation on her part but it prompted me to spend the rest of the workday following her around trying to show her otherwise.  “I don’t need to be right.  I just am a lot of the time.  Wait.  Where are you going?”

According to Getoff, my need is just the beginning of the conversation, or the fight as the case may be.

“I think needing to be ‘right’ is really the top layer, a defense,” she explained.  “We defend ourselves when we feel attacked. We defend ourselves is much the same way other animals in the animal kingdom do, we fight, flee, hide or freeze.

I was relieved to learn I was just adhering to the laws of the land.  We’ve been doing this for millennia.

But does that mean the need is more ingrained in us and therefore harder to break out of?  Fortunately, Getoff remains optimistic.  “I believe that every relationship has the potential to be a loving, fulfilling relationship under the right circumstances”” she assures.

This is where the workshop comes in.  Over the past year, Getoff has offered it in libraries and community centers around the Pioneer Valley.  A professional in the fields of education, consulting and psychology for over 15 years, Getoff has a diverse background of experience upon which to draw.  Plus she comes from heady stock.

“My father is a psychotherapist,” she noted.  As a child I wanted to be a therapist because he was one and he was my hero.”  But since beginning her practice she gains inspiration from the people with whom she works.  “I am continually inspired by people who are willing and able to look themselves in the eye, move through their painful, stuck places, and make their lives better,” she said.

Just as the title of the workshop cuts right to the heart of the matter, the workshop goes to the center of the relationship.

I discuss some of the unconscious reasons that we choose our partners,” Getoff explained.  “Then how this choice can be related to unresolved issues from our past, why couples have the same fights over and over again, and how to break the cycle of those same old arguments.”

I tried to get Jaime to attend one of the more recent workshops at the Forbes Library in Northampton.  We couldn’t because Jaime wanted us to stay home and use that time to organize an upcoming tag sale.  So I asked Getoff what kind of advice she has for newlyweds.

“My best advice for newlyweds is to come to the workshop now, learn the skills now, while things are good and strong between you,” she said.

See?  I was right.  But because I’ve already learned from just this interview, I don’t tell Jaime that.

Getoff looks to a pro-active approach as a key to the relationship process.  “Most people don’t come to couples’ therapy until they are on the verge of breaking up.  Relationship problems are like medical problems; an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” she said.

“I’ve always said that one thing I’ve learned in the relationship with my wife is the invaluable skill to recognize when an apology is needed and to do it in such a way that it assumes genuine responsibility.  Because you’re going to have fights just by the mere fact you live in close proximity to one another and the best way to resolve conflict is clear communication,” says Northampton resident Bill Dwight.

Look for Getoff’s offerings this summer on Your Stories.  She will have more “Do You Want to be Right or Married?” workshops as well as ones that center on children titled “Beyond Because I Said So: How to Engage Cooperation with Children.”

Beyond Praise and Punishment – How to teach children self-esteem and self-control

In this innovative workshop, parenting expert Sarah Getoff offers specific skills to help parents solve the toughest behavioral problems.  Learn why praise can be problematic and discover the drawbacks of logical consequences, time-outs, threats and rewards.  You will gain skills to improve your child’s behavior and his or her self-esteem.  You will also hear Sarah’s insightful answers to frequently asked questions.
In her clear and conversational way, Sarah talks to parents about validating their children’s feelings and about the importance of offering choice to a child in many situations. She shares engaging anecdotes about her own daughter to demonstrate why praise and punishment don’t work. Sarah also gives suggestions on managing a range of situations.

Beyond Praise and Punishment gives parents a new set of tools and a new language for working with their children on behavior. Sarah is supportive, strong, and she knows how to help. Give her a listen, and you’ll find you are eager to try out her techniques.

Beyond “Because I Said So!” – How to engage cooperation with children

Does your child refuse to cooperate, disrespect you or try to negotiate everything?  Have chores, homework or bedtime become a battlefield?  Are you tired of begging, bribing or berating your child?  If you answered yes to any of these, then help is on the way!

In this inspiring workshop you will discover how to teach children to first respect authority, later negotiate with authority and eventually assume their own, age-appropriate authority.  You will gain concrete strategies to eliminate power struggles and increase cooperation.

While offering a new set of skills for coping with misbehavior, Sarah talks about such things as modeling good behavior and the importance of establishing routine. She offers insightful parenting advice with a soothing demeanor, which makes the listener feel calm, hopeful and eager to try new parenting methods.

Also incorporated in Beyond “Because I Said So” are questions from parents in the audience and Sarah’s responses. This dialogue offers another level of education on parenting as well as a broader range of circumstances in which the skills can be applied.

The Sibling Squabbling Solution – Teaching children to resolve their own conflicts

Are your children constantly bickering, fighting and competing?  Is your older child violent toward your younger one?  Do you wish you didn’t have to intervene as often?  If so, then this workshop is for you!  This informative and entertaining workshop will provide you with the tools to help children solve their own conflicts peacefully.  Imagine telling your children to solve their problem together, without hurting each other, and they actually do it!  This CD will show you how.

Sarah focuses on managing conflicts that children have, not only with their siblings but also with their friends. Sarah offers seven steps for teaching children how to resolve conflict, as well as three steps toward expecting your children to manage their own conflict. She counsels that solving childrens’ problems for them will not teach them how to solve their own problems.

In addition to learning how to help their children, adults can also use the CD to help them understand how to improve their own relationships, where conflict is concerned. Listeners will also gain insight from this CD when Sarah takes questions from parents in the audience.

About Sarah

Sarah has 20 years of combined experience as a psychotherapist and educator in the Northampton area, and she began her practice as a parenting consultant in 2005. She works with clients of all ages to overcome depression, anxiety, grief, marital and parenting issues, and many other concerns.

Her areas of specialty include parenting issues, couples counseling and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), a cutting-edge therapy that quickly and gently releases emotional pain associated with difficult memories or events. Sarah earned a master’s degree in Counseling Psychology from Springfield College and is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor.

In her role as consultant, Sarah offers private consultations as well as workshops and staff trainings. Some of those sessions are available on CD, including topics such as: dealing with disrespect from children, improving children’s self-esteem, and teaching their children to resolve their own conflicts. Her CD’s offer another opportunity for parents to receive specific skills, compassionate support and a better understanding of what their children need in order to behave well.

Sarah’s audience base has included educators, parents, professionals, senior citizens and students of all ages. She has presented, for instance, at statewide conferences for the Massachusetts Association for School Aged Children (MSAC) and at national conferences for the National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC).

Prior to her career as a psychotherapist, Sarah served as director and teacher at Capacidad, an anti-bias after-school program in Amherst, Mass. She has worked as an educator/advocate at the University of Massachusetts’ Everywoman’s Center in a program to end violence against women. Sarah has also led workshops with and for inmates of maximum security prisons.

For more information, to set up an interview with Sarah or to request a CD to review, please call Sarah at (413) 586-3653.